Ethan's Christmas Gift

Yesterday, Ethan got an early Christmas gift. We had the honor of visiting with Ethan's birth family for the first time since he was born.

We met Ethan's birthparents when his birthmom (S.) was in her 7th month of pregnancy. We had gotten a call from an adoption attorney who we had connected with early on in the adoption process. She told us of a pregnant couple considering adoption, and wondered if we were interested. It worked perfectly with our timing - we were planning on starting the adoption process for baby #2 once Abby's adoption was finalized in May. We got this call in March.

We met with S. and J. (Ethan's birthdad) and their two sons (ages 4 and 18 months at the time). We all seemed to hit it off, and our relationship began. I was fortunate to be able to take S. to her doctors' appointments for those two months. It was nice to get to know her better, and also to hear Ethan's heartbeat. S. and I developed a friendship and level of comfort with each other. She invited me to witness Ethan's birth, and asked me to cut the cord. It all felt very right between us, even from the start.

After Ethan was born, it was difficult for S. emotionally. Our agency shared with us how hard it was for S. when she appeared in court to relinquish her parental rights. S. also told them that getting updates from us was bittersweet - she liked seeing how happy and safe Ethan was, but it also forced her to revisit the pain in a very real way. My interactions with S. for the first year of Ethan's life were very supportive, but very tentative. I let her direct the relationship with us (really, the relationship with Ethan). I sent regular updates, and she called every couple of months to talk.

After Ethan's first birthday, she shared with me on the phone that she was feeling more at peace with the decision. Although it was still painful for her, she felt like she was ready to see Ethan in person, was even excited about the idea of it. We made ourselves available whenever she was ready to see him. And it finally happened yesterday.

We decided to meet at the mall, so the kids could play together. S., J. and their two boys came, plus J.'s mom, brother, and sister's family. When S. first saw Ethan playing, she went to him and sat alone with him for awhile, watching him and talking to him. There were tears in her eyes when she finally walked away. It was a very personal moment I was priviledged to witness.

Everyone was excited to see Ethan, and Ethan warmed up pretty quickly to everyone (much to my delight). Ethan's birthdad, J., was pretty reserved yesterday. It seemed that he felt awkward in the situation. I did notice that even though he stayed back, he watched Ethan a lot, which was nice to see. Ethan played with his birthbrothers (who are now 5.5 (J.) and 3 (E.)). Brother J. gave me a big hug first thing when they arrived, and a little while later told me very matter-of-factly, "Ethan is my brother. He was adopted." I praised him for being such a smart boy to know that, and told him that Ethan loves him very much. Brother E. acted just like Ethan in lots of ways (and looks a lot like him, too). They are both pretty leary of new situations. They both had the same scowl when they were acting up. And they even share the same little head bobble when they are being silly. It's so cool to see different aspects of his birthfamily in Ethan.

There were Christmas gifts for Ethan, which is very special. We treasure the gifts that the kids receive from their birthfamilies, and I take pictures for the kids' scrapbooks so they will know what their birthfamilies chose for them. Ethan's birthfamily was very thoughtful, and even included gifts for Abby. We had brought gifts for Ethan's birthbrothers, and a special mini scrapbook about Ethan for his birthmom and birthdad.

It was a very nice day, a family day. We hope to have lots more nice days like that with S., J., J. and E. We believe it is a great thing for Ethan to know his birthfamily on a personal level, and to know how much they love him. Meeting in person, it was obvious to see how special he is in their eyes.

In order to maintain the birthfamily's privacy, I am not including any photos. But I wish I could: I have a precious picture of Ethan and his birthmom that I will frame for his room, as well as some really cute pictures of him with his birthbrothers. It's great to have those photos for Ethan as he grows up!