Gathering nuts

It has been 5 months since our home study was completed. Five months of waiting, essentially. And I have not spent very much time preparing.

The thought of another child has been on the back burner - the very back burner. When I was carting around a broken arm this spring, I was grateful that I wasn't trying to cart around a newborn at the same time. When summer began, and all of our weekends were filled, I was glad that I was well-rested enough to keep up with our schedules. But now, as fall is approaching, I am starting to think like a squirrel and to gather nuts for the winter.

Preparing for Abby's arrival in our family was a long process. From the time our homestudy was finished to the time Abby was born, 21 months had passed. I had a lot of time to get the nursery ready and stock up on the essentials. And I had more than enough time to pine for a newborn.

When we were contacted by Ethan's birthfamily, we hadn't even started our second homestudy. There was no time of waiting for someone to be interested in us, or time spent worrying. Within three months of meeting his birthfamily, Ethan was born. We already had an infant at the time, so everything was ready for his arrival. Everything was prepared for him.

Over the past five months, my busy schedule has been a great distraction. I haven't taken any time to prepare. To worry. To pine. My memories of waiting for Abby are still fresh, and I am certainly not yearning for those helpless feelings again. But as our summer activities are winding down, I find myself thinking more and more about the possibility of another child, another sibling for our kids, another personality in the mix of our family. About how our lives would all change. About what kind of mother I could be to three amazing kids. About what awesome siblings Abby and Ethan could be to a little brother or sister. About the sacrifices that Mark, Abby, Ethan and I would have to make to welcome a new member of our family. About how incredible and incredibly difficult it would be. And I am hopeful.

We've started to physically prepare for a baby, should we be so blessed. This week, we purchased bunk beds. For now, they are separated and Abby and Ethan each sleep in one. Eventually, if we have a third child, they will be bunked to hold two boys or two girls. When the new beds were installed, the old cribs were taken down. One crib went to our neighbors, who are expecting a second baby. The other crib now lays in waiting, a reminder of our current status.

I am excited to start gathering nuts for winter, to really wait for a baby. I am filled with hope and with joy.