Baby Feeders

WARNING - this post is about breasts. Stop reading now if you are uncomfortable!!
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There has been a lot of controversy surrounding this picture on the cover of BabyTalk magazine. There are a lot of people who think breastfeeding should be hidden from view (and I agree with discretion). But the comments people are making about this photo - equating it with pornography - give me a break! Breast feeding is God's amazing system of feeding our young. It is not sexual. It is not "dirty." It's a beautiful, natural thing.

I have mentioned in this post that breastfeeding is one of the things about infertility that I'm grieving. But I didn't mention that I tried it. A woman who has not just born a child can actually induce lactation, it's true. And because I had a strong desire to bond with my baby in this way -and- to provide the baby with good [free] nutrition, I decided to try to induce lactation. The most effective protocol recommends use of birth control pills, use of a breast pump, and use of a drug called Domperidone (which has a side effect of breast milk production). We weren't comfortable taking an unnecessary drug, and weren't comfortable with birth control pills [we practice Natural Family Planning], so I was on a pumping-only regime while we were waiting to see if the potential adoption (before Abby) would happen. For about a month, I pumped on a regular schedule, ramping up to every three hours, and once during the night. After a month, I wasn't producing any milk (and really, there were no noticable changes going on either). So, I just kind of let the regime dwindle back down to nothing. A month after that, the adoption fell through, and 2 months after that, Abby was born.

When we brought Abby from the hospital, I tried to get her to latch on to my breast, similar to using a pacifier. We would spend five minutes working on it, and eventually give up and move on to other things. I was successful at getting a latch a couple of times, so I knew it was time to try actual feeding.

I had an apparatus that would supply formula through a tube that was attached to my breast. With the apparatus, when a baby tried to nurse, they would receive the formula through this "straw." The apparatus was a royal pain in the rear to get ready, and then to attach. When that was all set, it was time to try latching. I would put Abby to the breast, and she would flail all over [some things never change]. She would try to suckle, and get frustrated quickly. She would start to wail. And I would start to wail.

After a week of really trying to breastfeed, Mark suggested that maybe I should forgive myself if it wasn't going to work. I was so relieved. I had been feeling guilty about wanting to give up, and feeling like such a failure. It was nice to be able to forgive myself. Mark said that he had hoped I could breastfeed, but that not breastfeeding wasn't going to ruin Abby. I was very sad that I didn't breastfeed, but I was having a hard enough time adjusting to parenthood and couldn't dedicate all of the energy needed to breastfeeding. Had I been a breastfeeding mom, I'd like to think I would have been able to breastfeed discreetly, even in public. Breastfeeding is such a beautiful thing.

One of the blogs I regularly read is written by Kateri. She has a great post about the BabyTalk controversy, asking for women to post indiscreet nursing photos on their own blogs. She lists the links to them here. Check it out - if you dare.