Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The end of waiting

It has been almost 2 months since our deadline past for adopting another baby. We set Ethan's birthday as our deadline over a year ago, giving ourselves a firm cutoff of when we would stop being "in waiting." When we figured our lives could be back to normal.

The truth is, I didn't pour as much of myself into waiting this time around. I didn't do any advertising or networking. I didn't look for situations that might work out. I didn't put much effort in at all. My life already was "normal", so there was no need to return to it.

It has taken me a year-and-a-half, but over that time I became perfectly OK and happy with being a Mom of 2 kids instead of 3. For all my complaining, I do realize that I have two amazing kids. Kids who are great friends to each other. Kids who are so different from one another in personality, temperament and interests. But yet kids who really, really enjoy one another. If you ask either one who their best friend is, they will choose each other. They are growing up together, sharing stages together. They are already close in the exact way I missed growing up with 3 much-older sisters.

Since May, I have been waiting for the dams to open up and the flood to come, the flood of my grief over the finality of our family unit. But they haven't come. Even when I feel tiny pangs of longing when I see a newborn, and I turn in on myself to really feel what I am feeling, the tears are few. I feel a little guilty about that, like maybe we shouldn't have even put ourselves out there for another adoption. Like maybe I didn't really want it as much as I should have. But then I remember that 18 months ago, I felt very differently than I do today.

And I think I understand what has happened to me in the last 18 months to change me so much. I have finally become content with what I have.

3 comments:

Gwen said...

Bravo! That is fantastic and what a fantastic post! The same similar thing has happened to me although I knew we were finished I just adore babies and thought I would never get over wanting more. I too like you see tiny babies and have a pang but then I look at what I have and I'm so full of life!

Thanks for this post! It was a great reminder for me to be grateful for what God has given me!

I'm so glad you okay and content and full!

Jennifer said...

Awesome! You did exactly what you needed to get where you are today. I am so proud of you!

I love how close in age both of our families are. Even though I was closer in age to Rob and Donielle, I didn't have a sibling in this way.

Becky K said...

There were times I wanted a 3rd too, but I'm so glad I didn't. Another child would have blended in wonderfully with our family, but the boys are very close, and great friends.
I love to see, hold and play with the babies, but I LOVE being able to tell the boys we're going somewhere and they can get themselves ready!
The time of my life for newborns and infants of my own is over, I'm moving on to the next stage of fun :-) Look at it that way, it helps!