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Our family loves to go to the play area at the mall. It's a great place for the kids to burn off some energy. It's a good environment for the kids to learn how to cooperate with other kids. And best of all, it's FREE!
We went to a play area this evening that we frequent. It has tunnels, things to climb on, and best of all (in Abby's opinion) 2 fast-moving slides. What more could you ask for? Tonight, the play area was fairly busy with kids. And, the level of inappropriate play was off the charts. There were 5 kids climbing UP the slides while other kids were waiting to go down. There was pushing and shoving on the stairs. There was unexplained screams of pain coming from tunnels. It was outrageous. After a couple of minutes of watching kids climb up slides without consequence, Mark and I united and began to take control of the situation. These kids parents were nowhere to be found, or if they were there, they were doing nothing while their children hurt other children or played unfairly.
We started with the 10 year old boy - "It's against the rules to climb the slides." Moving on to the 8 year old girl - "You cannot cut in line in front of 0ther kids who are waiting." We stopped the slide-climbers in their tracks and things began to run more smoothly.
After about 15 minutes, Mark found himself face-to-face with an angry mom. You see, her school-aged son had been climbing up the slide and pushed an unsteady toddler off the side in his ascent. The little girl fell from 2 or 3 feet, and began to cry. While her mother tended to her, Mark immediately told the boy that he couldn't climb the slide and that he needed to watch out for other children.
The boy's mom was angry. She walked up to Mark and told him to stop telling her boy what to do, and that she can't help that his daughter is so clumsy(?!). Mark explained that the boy had pushed her off the slide, and she wasn't even his daughter but he felt someone had to step in. The mother retorted, "this is a play area, and he was just playing." Then, the mother of the toddler came to Mark's aid and reiterated that the boy had pushed her daughter, and why wasn't he being watched anyway? The boy's mother backed down and told her son "we have to go now," and off they went. The boy didn't apologize to the toddler or her mother. His mom didn't apologize either.
My question is this: what should Mark and I do in this type of situation? Our children have been pushed, hit, cut in front of, climbed on, sat on, and hugged aggressively at public play areas. We also witness children doing dangerous things to other children. Sometimes, the parent comes over and disciplines their child or apologizes for their behavior when this happens. If not, we ALWAYS tell the other child to stop hurting our children (or other children). It is a rare parent that actually sees us "discipline" their child in this way, actually, because they are either not present or not paying attention to their child.
There are lots of ways to handle these situations, we realize. And I'm sure there are lots of opinions about the best ways or the right ways to handle them. I'm guessing there are some out there who are appalled that we would step in with children who are not our own. We want to know what you think!! Please, please comment on this post by clicking the "comment" link at the bottom of it (if you like, you can comment anonymously). I want to see lots and lots and lots of feedback on this topic, from parents and non-parents, old and young, male and female. This is an important issue that can be very controversial, and we want weigh your opinions. Thanks!
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4 comments:
Ok, so I don't understand other "parents" sometimes! I would have been extremely upset at a mother who doesn't discipline her child in a situation like that! I have told kids to be nice and not to push and to wait their turn (and to move out of the way so Lana could escape the tunnel!) Luckily I haven't had a run in with one of their parents yet. I think I may have been embarrased, but I think the right thing to do is to say something to the child and if the parent intervenes and defends their unruly youngster, you SHOULD explain the circumstances. I guess you would just hope that the parent cares that their child is being a bully. I think that is tough! I think you did the right thing... you set rules without yelling, and defended the poor little girl who "clumsily fell 3 feet". It is unfortunate so many parents use the play equipment as a babysitter while they leave and shop instead of supervising. Good luck next time!!! :)
You most certainly did the right thing. Ideally, I don't believe that it takes a village to raise a child. However, when parents completely abdicate their responsibilities, there is no other choice. I think that mother was just defensive because she knew that everyone else knew that she hadn't been watching - let alone disciplining - her child. I'm very sorry that you had to be the playground supervisor, but I'm happy that you were there. Keep it up! You may not get any other reward than peace of mind right now. That's okay. Your kids are watching and this is how they're learning to become parents.
I agree that you did the right thing. I don't see it as trying to discipline another person's child, but rather as helping to ensure that the kids would play safely together. The mother of the boy who pushed the toddler obviously wasn't watching her son close enough and should have apologized for his behavior.
Personally, I try to avoid disciplining other peoples' kids out of fear of being shot! If there's a crazy situation happening at the play area or playground, I try to move the kids to another section or take them somewhere else altogether.
Of course, it's important to intervene if you see one kid harming another. But as far as taking command of the area and setting rules for any kid(s) other than my own, I wouldn't do it. The mall already has rules in place (such as "children in the play area must be attended by an adult"), so I would call on mall security to enforce those rules. The same goes for any other malfeasance I might encounter in public.
I used to always be upset and disappointed by the behavior of others, but over time I've learned to lower my expectations!
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